R. Kelly: The True Definition of Ewww...

He married Aaliyah Haughton when she was 15 years old.

He settled two lawsuits by two women who said he had sex with them when they were minors.

A third lawsuit by another woman accusing R. Kelly of forcing her to have an abortion after impregnating her when she was a teen-ager is still pending.

Can we all say P-R-E-D-A-T-O-R? Can we spell R K-E-L-L-Y?

I hope that intelligent people will realize that an “acquittal” does not mean innocent. It means there was reasonable doubt. And really good bottom feeders on your side.

According to the Chicago Tribune who interviewed the jurors after the R. Kelly Child Porn case, “At first it was 5 in favor of acquittal, 5 undecided and 2 guilty. It got as close as 7-5 in favor of acquittal before the majority was able to convince those leaning toward convicting the singer there was not enough evidence.”

After hearing from reporters the details of Kelly’s other lawsuits and obvious interest in the bobby sox set, one juror replied “All of us felt the grayness of the case," a juror explained. That grayness is another word for "reasonable doubt."

Oh give it a break! The case of the matter is that yet again another celebrity gets away with murder! Oops wrong celebrity. It is a common occurrence that Jurors across the country are sitting star struck while the most vile of criminals get acquittals.

But the jurors are not the only ones at fault here. Outside the courtroom gaggles of middle aged mommas were clamoring to touch the hand of the man that they could sell their daughter to. Yuck! Ignorance and Star Gazing go hand in hand.

I only hope that his penance will come in the form of plummeting record sales. I know many that can’t listen to a Michael Jackson song without getting the willies knowing that he and his little star gazing followers are yucking it up and thumbing their finger at the law. Kelly’s lawyers said that the true Robert was in the courtroom, thanking Jesus and spewing blubbery protestations.

Hey Kelly! Jesus had nothing to do with it pal. You will fall one day and the same Star Gazers that adore you now, with their innocent sacrificial daughters hands in tow, will be the only offal that will support you.